So this is Christmas

I am up early, not for any other reason that I once again woke well before I should and could not fall back to sleep.

It is Christmas today. The outside covered in it;s snowy white blanket. Drivers will attempt to muddle through the icy and slushy roads to make it to their families homes, other will go out and attend events,or entertainment. I too will load but my vehicle and join those that should not be allowed to operate a car on a warm and clear day let alone a day like this.

Once the we are load and travel to my parents house, my son will have prepared a fine meal, we'll talk a little, and then open gifts. Quickly after the gift wrapping is all removed and the gifts have all been opened everyone will go their separate ways. My children down to their mothers and me heading north.

Somehow,somewhere, at sometime... I stopped feeling any type of magic of the holidays. I do not harbor any negative feelings, I really just don't feel anything at all...more like it's just another day. I feel like we go through motions for everyone else, we do and perform our acts of duty to some satisfy others for these few hours.

I know there was a time when Christmas was something important in my life and I looked forward to it. I think it disappeared when everything became a struggle, gifts, money, who was going to be where when, how are we going where we need to be, where is were we need to be,... I think the joy disappeared when your children are of an age they don't care. Putting up a tree, decorations, and other Christmas stuff, is more of a bother than a joy. Wrapping a gift means throwing it a Bag that has a handle and a Santa on the side. Where the list they provide have nothing on it, or items which you can't afford. I think the joy that came and left was based on the children.

I hope those who will be surround me today will feel much more than I feel, I hope the joy and happiness never leaves their hearts for the celebration. I hope they all are better at holding on to what makes this day joyful.. not just another day.
I may never feel those things again, I am not sure if I need to, But I must want to or else I would not be writting this down.

So this is Christmas...and almost a new year...what will I remember... nothing I fear. So the is Christmas.. and I hope for every ones joy....
happiness for everyone... I say this without being coy. So this is Christmas and almost eh new year...I will play my role well... for all those that are near....